Questions!

[Hytegia]

I meditated upon your questions and summoned up Artemis to debate the best answers for these questions (We're cool like that. I helped her out with a few things once upon a time)... She had many good things to add to what I have to say, and the answers I give are a combination of our Answers to your Questions.
BTW: Artemis says good luck.

1) Working with other Wiccans/Pagans.
We are all united by the call to something more... I'm sure that's what have made us seek out more than Christianity could offer us. But just as easily as we are all united by this single ideal, we are all divided by the same belief that we saught after so long. You must understand that the practice of Magick and the study of Paganism and the Occult have led us all down different paths, and not all of them will respond the same way you would-
And the new girl? She's probably still nervous. It's hard for many to turn their back from a life of ritual and structure to a life of freedom that she's been taught was evil and devil-worshipping. Give her time, and try to comfort her choice. If she decides to turn back to Catholicism, tell her that she can do that too.
We don't Prosthelize (or however you spell it).


2) Working with other, less experienced students who don't want to do much more than try and form a cult of Oogy-Boogy witches who have no idea what they could be doing, much less why they're doing it.
Try to make your friend understand that, on this path, there's more danger of persecution than any other religion on earth. Remind them of the Witch Trials and the Inquesition, and make sure they understand that history repeats itself... Alot. Make sure they know that there's many people around the world who can't even be implicated of this, even in the U.S., but still persue it because of the joy that follows it.
Relate it as a belief, and a following of the gods of old, instead of some kind of lifestyle. Do this and it'll work out.


3) Being 'numb' to certain energies the first few tries you try to find them.
As there are different forms of Magick, Paganism, and beliefs, there are many different ways that the power can be conjured up. For example, there are some who will want the gods to bless it, some will conjure up spirits to bind to the object, etc.
It was once said that there's more than one way to skin a cat- This is true in casting spells and using Magick.
So, your body hasn't adjusted to the new form of magick yet, because your mind doesn't UNDERSTAND it. And, since the body's influence to new energies is to not respond, because it doesn't really know HOW to respond. If you can get around this mental block, you should be able to find it easier.


4) Guilt for not having the right environment or circumstances to actively practice, or being too constantly overworked/tired/emotionally sick to do a ritual.
This sounds like a problem of your body and mind... A reaction to lonliness in spite of being absolutely free.
I PMed you about how to deal with this.


5) Fearing for my safety or feeling stupid when I recite prayers or perform rituals.
See 4


6) Feeling unworthy to call myself by the title of Wiccan, fear of inexperience or a need of attention showing through, and feeling unworthy to practice in general because of habits, or other's opinions.
See 4.

I know what you feel... Remember that there's many more Witches and Wizards out there that feel exactly what you do. Millions, perhaps more. We all pine for the day we could dance in the streets duiring Samhain or Beltane without, in the back of our minds, the fear of punishment. We can only bide our time in the shadows, or go out and actively work to press on the world to try to accept us.
But, the true Magick in Magick is that it never dies! It always lives, and will always carry on. Words fade away, books burn, people die, alters decay, but Magick- Magick never dies away... It's always there, and always exists.

-Hytegia

[runewulf]

mes dieux, c'est couillon...

Best advice, to all of these things?

Follow your Heart and Intuition. Keep practicing and trying to grow and learning. You will either finally "click" into place or discover that it's not quite the right path for you and move on to try another one. Remember though, anything worth having takes work. And realistically, there are so many different ways to deal with each item you asked about that you could write a short novel on the topic. Follow your intuition and don't go against what your heart/honor/morals tell you is right.

Good luck


Ohhh, and you either connect with Diety or you don't, you don't bribe them.

[Mahala]

I could offer them cookies, of course. Who doesn't like cookies? I've found that when I can't do a full ritual or working, meditation works well. (helps me relax and sleep better too!) Recently, while meditating, I asked Athena (helpful lady!) to help me improve my grades, or at least help me pass. Behold, I got the mental refresh I needed, the motivation I needed, and ALL my classes, even the English class with the really mean teacher, had passing grades! Which means that after this summer, I will be all caught up. (Two summer English courses, one Earth Systems.)

Thank you to all who answered, you have helped me a LOT to come to my answers! I enjoy seeing things through others' eyes to see what I've been missing.



The more I do, the more I gain confidence, sort of like a snowball effect. I'm going to report my progress since I've posted the questions:

1) Working with other Wiccans/Pagans.
I have figured out, albeit very slowly, why I'm not, at the time, ready to get together with others. What's important right now, according to my intuition, is that I learn on my own, to get the basics down before comparing notes. Later on, I might be ready, or I might not. It all depends on me, i suppose.


2) Working with other, less experienced students who don't want to do much more than try and form a cult of Oogy-Boogy witches who have no idea what they could be doing, much less why they're doing it.
I'm there to teach, but not if it's a trial of patience. I will lend a hand here and there, but until my friend chooses, as I have, to hop off the fence, I must continue on my own merry way.


3) Being 'numb' to certain energies the first few tries you try to find them.
I've used meditation, as stated in a previous post, to open up myself to incoming energies, with much success on the last four tries. I've found out why I couldn't feel the energy at my friend's house; I'm much more in-tune to the energy vibes around my own house, naturally, and I can find them mush easier.


4) Guilt for not having the right environment or circumstances to actively practice, or being too constantly overworked/tired/emotionally sick to do a ritual.
I've developed a practice to push out the feeling of inadequacy: I go to school, wait for lunch, and during lunch I meditate while I eat. It improves my focus, my health, and it also boosts my mental status. Wherever I go, my Goddess goes, and I think part of learning the importance of that is I'm used to being in a house of worship, which I no longer see as necessary to my belief system. I just need to learn to work around this, and with time it will become just another minor detail.


5) Fearing for my safety or feeling stupid when I recite prayers or perform rituals.
I think this could be worked over with time and patience. There's a cause for my fear that may or may not be valid.

6) Feeling unworthy to call myself by the title of Wiccan, fear of inexperience or a need of attention showing through, and feeling unworthy to practice in general because of habits, or other's opinions.
This I've already overcome. Sometimes, I worry a bit too much. This also applies to #5.

[Crazy Healer Lady]

I am so glad you have received the answers you were looking for, whether through us or your own means. I think you are a very intelligent young person and I have no doubt in my mind that you will be a very capable and balanced Witch in the years to come.

[Hytegia]

Heh.
I agree.
You're going to be one of the greatest witch of the age, if I'm trusting what my spirit sources say.

Follow your heart, and don't let anyone else discourage you. That's more than good advice... It's just what we do.

Merrily I Part, Young Mahala.
-Hytegia

[Mahala]

How do you all deal with the stress of being in the closet? (I think this goes along with 4 & 5 from the original post.)

I was out working on a video to correct some fundy lady's facts this morning, in the dark, in the back yard, and behold - My mother snuck out to spy on me and was close enough to hear. (I didn't answer her questions, because, frankly, it's none of her business.) This isn't the first time either. She overheard me two days ago, also recording a video. I know now that if I even spoke the words of a ritual, they'd doom me to months of mental torture. My parents treat it like a sickness. They think it's funny. ("So you're really getting into that, aren't you?"...) I have the feeling that I will return many more times with questions...

[Hytegia]

The Stress of the Broom Closet is annoying... But we have to cope. Everyone copes.
I cope wit it by reassuring myself that it's worth it, and I take joy every full moon when, in my room, I open that window and let the light pour down onto my desk... My Alter. I feel the joy of dancing with the Spirits when I can get out into the woods with no one but myself... There I've set up an Alter (Impromptu. The old one got dissassembled systematically) for myself.
It's hard for me to hide it, but I have to. There was an explosion once, and I couldn't handle it. I had to hide again. Now I just SHAKE with anticipation that, as soon as I leave this House, I can be free. I've bided 6 years for this and, on the Seventh year, I get to be who I am.

Truthfully, I want to be there when some Mormon Fundies want to share the Gospel with me and I invite them in, sit on a cushy chair and offer them a seat in the living room- Covered with Pagan symbols and equipment.
I would just LOVE that.

....... DAMMIT. I'M DOING IT AGAIN.

Anyways, we all have found a way to Cope. That's just how it is- It's how it's always been. No two systems work the same way.

[Max]

Well you don't have to be fully in the closet. From what you've said your parents are a bit worried about your choice of religion but seem to want know more about it - and for obvious reasons you don't want to tell all. You can always gradually introduce them into your lifestyle by making it seem more mainstream - ask for coloured candles/incense/house plant/other non-threatening things for your birthday. Okay, they might not be the right ones, but it's a way to get them involved. There's plenty of Christian adults who do yoga, meditation or use colour therapy; if you wanted your parents could come to see you as a hippy daughter rather than doing something dangerous. This might help if they came across you worshipping. Do you think that would help?

[Mahala]

Even being older now, they won't let me have candles, or incense. I have to go with a friend to the dollar store to buy white and red emergency candles, store them in a box, and hide said box under a pile of 'junk' beside my make up table. I had to ask a friend to lend me a lighter too, because my parents don't even trust me with that. Asking for candles and incense is out of the question; They'd add two and two pretty fast and they're already tightening the noose again. I'm not ready to come out because they're not ready to accept it just yet. They show signs of wanting to know more, but it's not enough, which leaves me in a tight spot.

There's plenty of Christian adults who do yoga, meditation or use colour therapy; if you wanted your parents could come to see you as a hippy daughter rather than doing something dangerous.

That might work, but in a way, it's the same as lying, and they still wouldn't approve. They may not be very religious and all, but they insist that I stay Mormon. This suggestion does help, though. I used to do yoga, but I quit after a few months because we moved. I should get back into it; It might help me, both body and mind.

[Max]

Saying that, my parents eventually banned lit candles because I ruined a couple of carpets with melted wax :-" That and fear that I would burn down the house. Understandable really, and probable! The good thing about having your own flat is that you can be as clumsy as you want heheh. Yes, yoga with it's lack of flames (and health benefits) is a good bet! I'm sure you'll find your way to eventually get them involved and reassure them.

[Mahala]

Mom told me she could smell the wax burning and I rolled my eyes... I make sure to keep the wicks on whatever I burn so short than even if they did topple, they'll just go poof. (I had one nearly fall off the shelf once - scared the BEJEEZUS out of me!) I'll still burn candles, although probably not the 10" tapers. I've been trying to come up with ways to do my candle burning outside, in a field or a yard that's more private from snoopy neighbors.

Oh, and if anyone knows of some good yoga sources, hook me up please! I'm having trouble finding a site with descriptive movements.

[Max]

You could try searching for 'sun salutation', rather than just 'yoga'. I found these in the top 5:
http://www.yogasite.com/sunsalute.htm - nice simple pictures
http://www.yogajournal.com/practice/1040 - describes the actions with the names of the movements
I find that the sun salutation is a great meditation-workout if you repeat it about 12 times. If you want something more complicated I'm sure you can add movements to it or find something online. I will be interested to see what other sites you find too.

As for burning candles outside, you could try using tealights in I think they are called candle lanterns? They are like little pots with high sides and will shelter from the wind.

[Hytegia]

The thing is, your parents seem like they're in some sort of Denial and laughing it off as if there's nothing REALLY going on.
O.o
It's not a sleight of acceptance, more than it is Ignoring the facts and trying to joke about it. Like the time I made a 2 as a Report Card grade in Algebra II. I laughed by ass off, and so did everyone else... But it didn't help me when I came home and had to face the music when Mom asked me what grades I had made. Wasn't so funny, then!
Laughing is many people's coping mechanism for dealing with some facts or ideas that they don't want to accept (ex: Christians laughing at Darwin for Evolution. Scientist laughing at Einstein for thinking Space and Time were relative. Christianity laughing at Mormons. White people laughing at the NAACP back in the 60s. etc.)
That's just my take on it, Mahala.

[Mahala]

The reason my parents are a bit standoffish is because were both born and raised in the 50's, a time when racial hatred and religious intolerance were swirling around still. My parents are still a bit racist and obviously not open towards Pagan religions. I think I'll wait until they start asking questions about it. (Only once, when they asked about the books, have they ever asked about it. When they were younger, it was taught and strongly reinforced that you never question the church, which is also taken as never question about religions or religious activities not sponsored by the church either.)

The reason they laugh it off is because they don't think magick and that is real. They think of the Hollywood crap when they think witchcraft, and they are so adamant in keeping that false belief that they won't ask questions to get the real answers.

If I used yoga as the basis for a type of daily ritual, my parents would only think that I was doing yoga, because they don't have all the know-how to see or sense magick circles but they know I did yoga in the seventh grade. I could do a whole ritual in the living room (albeit, without words, incense, or candles) and they wouldn't know that anything 'weird' was going on! Thanks for the sites Max, they've got some really good stuff there.

And Hytegia, I laugh when I get A's on my grades because I'm a kind of... eh, an underachiever? (I won't jump through hoops of fire unless what's at the end is something I absolutely need/want.) I still pass my classes though, and my dad's okay with C's and B's.

[Max]

What you've said there Mahala is really important. We forget that our parents and grandparents were born in eras that were completely different culturally to ours. Asking someone to readjust their fundamental beliefs on the very essence of reality and deities is a big ask. Hytegia you are right in that laughing is a way of coping with uncomfortableness with ideas - but at least laughter isn't too damaging if you don't let it. If your parents come to an acceptance of your beliefs, if not an interest, that's a big step considering their background. So I guess what I'm saying is that perhaps we should be more tolerant towards other's intolerance!