If Religion Dealt With Toys


Capitalism He who dies with the most toys, wins.
Hari Krishna He who plays with the most toys, wins.
Catholicism He who denies himself the most toys, wins.
Anglican They were our toys first.
Greek Orthodox No, they were OURS first.
Branch Davidians He who dies playing with the biggest toys, wins.
Atheism There is no toy maker.
Polytheism There are many toy makers.
Evolutionism The toys made themselves.
Church of Christ, Scientist We are the toys.
Communism Everyone gets the same number of toys, and you go straight to hell if we catch you selling yours.
B'Hai All toys are just fine with us.
Amish Toys with batteries are surely a sin.
Taoism The doll is as important as the dump truck.
Mormonism Every boy can have as many toys as he wants.
Voodoo Let me borrow that doll for a second.
Hedonism To heck with the rule book!? Let's play!
Hinduism He who plays with bags of plastic farm animals, loses.
7th Day Adventist He who plays with his toys on Saturday, loses.
Church of Christ He whose toys make music, loses.
Baptist Once played, always played.
Jehovah's Witnesses He who sells the most toys door-to-door, wins.
Pentecostalism He whose toys can talk, wins.
Existentialism Toys are a figment of your imagination.
Confucianism Once a toy is dipped in the water, it is no longer dry.
Non-denominationalism We don't care where the toys came from, let's just play with them.
Agnosticism It is not possible to know whether toys make a bit of difference.
Apathy Toys? What do I need toys for?
Judaism I'm selling. You buying?
First Kinky Church You bet your ass we got Toys.
First American Church We play Only with cowboy toys.
Church of Scientology Toys 'R Us.


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