Brigit's Blue Ass Of Inspiration Ritual For Imbolg

Cory Cochran

The month of February, truly a month of ice in many parts of the Northern Hemisphere, is a dormant time, when all life and activity appears to be...*yawn*...low-key and rather boring. The following ritual is dedicated to the goddess Brigit, who tends the fire in the hearth, and in this case the hearth where inspiration burns. If you've felt uninspired during the "dark times" of Winter, this is a perfect ritual to rekindle that flame. First things first...a burrow of a hibernating woodland animal needs to be located, and the most ideal animal for this is the groundhog. British witches may use a hedgehog, but will need to downsize the scale and granduer of the ritual as to not frighten the animal. Mark the burrow entrance so that it will be easy to find on February 2.

Items needed for the ritual:
  1. Bright blue candles
  2. White candles
  3. Fig Newtons
  4. A bowl of milk
  5. A garland of primroses
  6. A can of temporary party-color hairspray in Neon Blue
    (available at beauty supply stores)
  7. A neophyte who will blindly do your bidding

On the day of the ritual, festoon the entrance to the burrow with the garland, and place candles on either side of the entrance, as well. Cast your circle (as usual), and in a loud voice, chant the following:

"O great Brigit who tends the fires
We seek you return and so inspire!
Our muses need a swift kick in the ass
And get to work and stop passing gas!"

Repeat the chant over and over until the hibernating animal awakes and emerges to see what all the commotion is about. If you have made a mistake and wrongly identified the burrow and another animal emerges, such as a badger, wolverine, or skunk, quickly open the circle and depart. If you have corcertly identified the burrow, place the bowl of milk and plate of Fig Newtons before the animal. While said animal is distracted and confused by sunlight, chanting and offering of food and drink, hand the neophyte the can of party-color hairspray and have them spray the rear end of the animal with smooth, even strokes. If the neophyte sprays said animal too close to the lit candles, it will cause the spray to ignite and singe the animal. This will cause the animal to turn and attack the neophyte (which is a heck of alot better than having the animal turn and attack you!). Always remember: safety first!

After the animal has finished with its offering of milk and Fig Newtons, watch to see if it stays out or returns to the burrow. If it returns to its burrow, your inspiration will not return until Ash Wednesday, when you will probably wake up with a hang-over from the night before. If the animal remains out of its burrow, your inspiration will return about the same time as the Game Warden, S.P.C.A. and members of PETA and Greenpeace pull up in their vehicles! At this time, open the cast circle and feel inspired to RUN!

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